I have an uncle who drinks his own urine.
He swears it's like drinking from the fountain of youth. And I don't blame him. Ever since he's started this pee drinking ritual he's looked healthier than ever. I mean, he's a 65-year-old dude with luscious long hair, a buff body, and he freakin' windsurfs! Windsurfing is a big boy sport.
My uncle has bestowed upon me the book - I will call it The Book of Golden Glory - detailing how drinking your own urine is basically the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Here are a few ground rules I learned while reading.
1. You need to drink it everyday. Consistency is key.
2. It needs to be your morning pee. It's the freshest.
3. You can't mix it with anything. Messes with the chemistry.
4. Luckily you are allowed to refrigerate it before you drink it. Because you know, otherwise it would be warm, and warm pee just sounds wrong.
I've been tempted to try this odd fountain of youth for quite some time now. But I don't want to do it alone. And every time I try to get my friends to do it with me they give me this long stare like I just asked them to jump off a cliff. So sad.
I really do look up to my uncle though. You see, when I tell my friends I am interested in this whole pee-drinking thing we laugh about it. But what if I actually did it like my uncle does? I would imagine that, for me at least, it would be quite the emotionally taxing process to look daily into the faces of people who thought I was crazy.
Is there any worse feeling than being judged? Catch any whiff of judgment in the air and you'll probably find me hiding under a rock. It's much safer down there.
When I was in kindergarten we had a day where all the kids got to have their faces painted. I think I chose to look like a tiger, because tigers are awesome. I liked my facepaint so much that I decided it would be a good idea to not wash it off and come back to school the next day with facepaint still on. It was a brilliant idea. So I did not apply soap to my face that night, and the next morning I strolled into school still looking like a badass tiger.
What happened next profoundly changed me. I distinctly remember my friend Rick running by, turning back to look at me, and scrunching up his face he shrieked, "Ew, why didn't you wash your face?" I reached up to feel my paint crusted skin before my heart began to sink. Those words devastated me. There is nothing more poisonous than putting your heart and soul into an idea only to find judgment is waiting. I put myself out there, thought it would be cool to be a tiger for just one more day, and was cut down for it. I spent the rest of my day hearing similar comments, feeling dejected and regretful.
Yet, the people we look up to most in life put themselves out there anyways. It's as if those people realize that being judged is worth the cost if it means choosing to be their authentic selves. My uncle chooses to do this. He drinks his urine and is darn proud of it.
I used to think choosing to be yourself was just an arrogant confidence thing. Maybe because it was the antithesis of my kindergarten reaction, but I thought if I just learned how to man up and punch everyone else in the face, then I could be myself. I tried this for a while and it sort of worked. With a clenched fist I'd be filled with anger whenever I experienced judgment from people. But... it faded, and the whole act became exhausting and lonely. I'd often find myself frustrated for no real reason.
The great artist and dancer Martha Graham once said this, "There is only one of you in the world, just one, and if that is not fulfilled then something has been lost". I've thought about this quote a lot. What does she mean something will be lost? Do I have something that important to contribute to the world?
What if there exists a responsibility, even a mandate, to be ourselves. Humans are compelled to live an authentic life, not for the sake of personal arrogance, but maybe because they are a gift to the world. Maybe there's a shade of color in the world that will not be seen until the specific person with that color paints it.
Maybe the world's picture is incomplete without you being you.
The time will come for me to drink my own urine, regardless of what my friends think or do. I believe the world needs it.
I have an uncle who drinks his own urine.